You know, it was a while back I first noticed that Henry’s mood swings seemed to closely track the fluctuations of the prime rate of interest as set by the Bank of Canada. I assumed at first that he must have had much more savings invested in the money market than I would have guessed. But that didn’t turn out to be the case.
I studied him, determined that the effect seemed neither predictive nor derivative. As accurately as I could measureHenry’s mood shifts occurred simultaneously to the changes in the prime rate.
I did notice it was a family trait. In the bathroom at his house was a graph recordingHenry’s grandmother, Mrs.Armstrong’s, attempt at dieting. And this exactly matched Canada’s trade deficit figures. Always ready to make the tough decisions for the good of the larger community I hired a rogue surgeon to kidnap her and perform liposuction, to improve our national economy. He assured me it would be entirely safe for her.And it was. She recovered quickly, with a much reduced weight. But that was right about the time those oil-eating bacteria, developed for cleaning up oil spills, managed to get loose into the world supply, and Canada cut all imports and exports of domestic crude awaiting the development of an antigen.
I took that as a sign to be less proactive. But it left me no less intrigued.
So far I’ve figured out that the dog’s incontinence tracks the success of the government’s early parole program for non-violent offenders. Their Zinnia depicts quality of food at the parliamentary cafeteria (it always looks wilted on meatloaf days). Geoff’s temp work displays the success ofUN peace keeping missions.Barbara’s wart difficulties track the toxic waste reduction strategies.
And, most importantly, their dinner table conversation has turned out to be a concise and thoughtful summary of the major political issues and discussions of the day.Through metaphor of course.It would be difficult to fully describe how the metaphor relates but it seems to be self-evident to most people.Whenever I toss a comment from the Armstrong table into a political discussion everyone seems to understand it. I’m considered pretty smart about all that stuff these days.Which is great. I’ve always wanted to be but it never seemed worth the effort before.The food at the Armstrong’s is great too.
There is an election coming up soon. And for once everyone is asking me whom I am voting for. I haven’t quite decided yet. Henry’s mom makes a great Shepherd’s pie. I could vote for either her or the entree. But their VCR would probably be the most flamboyant and fun prime minister. I’m just not sure.They are having a big roast ham dinner on Sunday.Maybe I will figure it then.